Self Pwning - Sam Macdonald

Okay. Yeah. So, today we'll talk about uh mental health and cyber security. Uh I'm going to cover a number of subjects and you'll probably watch me go through all of them while I'm on stage with you. Uh I'll try not to have a mental breakdown. Um if I do start shaking, it's part of my tremor and anxiety and stress really affects it. There's a gentleman near the front row that watched me time my first talk. So, um, hopefully I've got it under control. Um, so yes, I'm Sam McDonald. Very boring. Um, as you can tell by the way, I'm dressed. I'm from Southeast London. So, um, watch your wallets and phones on the way out. I'm a bit light fingered. It

also means I'm in cyber security. Um, been in the game about 3 years and I'm not a mental health professional. So if anything resonates with you and you feel it's going too far in your life, I would seek um professional support. So we're going to start off with uh stress and anxiety. So what is stress? It's a physical and emotional response to pressures or demands occurring when ch when you challenges you face exceed your perceived ability to cope. Now, it's not a medical condition, but persistent stress can contribute to health, mental well-being issues. There are no definitive tests, but stress can be recognized through common signs and patterns. So, we're going to have a look at some

of these patterns. So, on the behavioral side, you get muscle aches and headaches, sleeping problems, uh feeling fatigue mainly from the lack of sleep. um you can feel sick, dizzy, and in some um instances you can faint. I won't do that on the stage. Um existing physical health problems uh can get worse. And then for some individuals, there can be some changes to your periods of mental cycle. Now, on the behavioral um aspect, you can eat too much or too little and that'll lead to major weight loss or gain. Hence the baggy t-shirts. um irritability or mood changes uh cry or or feel tearsful, unable to concentrate on the task at hand and you grind your teeth or clench

your jaw or subs the withdrawing from people around you. Uh so key one I'll point out on this one if you do notice friends, colleagues, relatives start withrawing from the social circle, just just check in with them and see how they're doing. So we do need an element of stress in our lives to to to work to function. Um this is the Jüks Dodson law that shows you on a a graph of if we have too little stress. You're just inactive and laid laidback. Ironically I find this when I'm not actually working. I find it really stressful. uh I need something to do otherwise I feel pointless, worthless, not needed in the job. And as the more

stress we get, we end up in this optimum pit where we can function highly um and get the task done at hand. But of course, if you start going through through too much stress or it's stressful for a long period of time, you then go down the curve and you're going to experience exhaustion. And if it continues then you're going to end up with the anxiety anger anger pain and eventually will end up in this terrible part which is just a complete mental breakdown. So it's everybody's stress um tolerance is different but it's important to to realize when you we all understand feel what stress is but if you're going for it consistently then eventually you're

going to end up at the bottom of this curve. So anxiety is a psychological and physical response um involving persistent worry, fear or sense of unease um often disproportionate to the situation without a clear trigger like me standing on the stage right now. Um, once again, it's not a medical condition, but ongoing or intense anxiety can be part of an anxiety disorder, which may need a professional assessment. Um, if you're consistently going through through this, it's it's diagnosed as general anxiety disorder. Once again, with all these things, there's no single definitive test. um is identified through consistent patterns, emotions, and physical responses. So on the physiological side, I don't know why I picked these big English

words. I can't say them. Um you get a churning feeling in your stomach. I go through this every time I I do a talk. I'll sit in a corner and just go and for some reason, as I was telling someone earlier, I always decide to eat spicy food the night before. I don't know why I need those spicy chicken wings. Um, then you get sleep problems. I slept about two hours last night. I just couldn't fall asleep just thinking about what I'm going to talk to you today. Try to get a few jokes in there. Uh, faster breathing, a fast thumping or regular heartbeat. Lucky enough the microphone can't pick this up. Uh, panic attacks. So, I'm not

sure if everyone knows what a panic attack is. Um, it's almost the sense that you're going to have a heart attack or die or you're in the middle of it and there's nothing you can do. You get end up with fast breathing and it's it's just an awful thing to go through and you feel restless or unable to sit still. I can't believe I've managed to stand in this one spot. I can't even take a phone call at home without pacing the flat. Then there's the behavioral. feeling tense, nervous, unable to relax. That would be me, but I'll be fine in the bar after. Uh low mood and depression, constant need for reassurance. Uh we

might find this more maybe not in the workplace, but in our relationships, you know, if you feel that something's not right between you and your partner, you get that aspect of is everything okay? Everything okay? And we need to be consistently reassured that the relationship is okay. Um, then we worry that people are angry or upset with with you. I normally go this with a friend of mine when we breach onto the the touchy subject of politics and I go home thinking, "Did I upset her?" And I'm like, "No, it's fine." Uh, rumination. I normally call this the shower in the morning. This is where you go through things that have happened in the past or just the day

before. So if we've made a mistake at work or we think we've missed it something else, we sit there and renumerate over thinking about the problem again and again and again and then we get the anxiety of going into the workplace the next day. Am I going to get told off and am I going to get sacked? And then it's worry about things that might happen in the future. Exactly that. Am I going to get sacked? Now what is it? Why is it relevant to um cyber security? Now, if you're in a sock, this is a big one for you, you lot as acute incident stress. So, because you're responding to security breaches, attacks, they can

create high pressure situations. No doubt they are. And it leads to adrenaline spikes and then of course crashes, uh sleep disruption. you know, if you get on a phone call at 2 a.m. because some AP has just um hacked your HR database. Uh and then mental fatigue because you consistently go through those things, eventually you're just going to crash out and burn. Then there's the chronic workload stress. Continuously monitoring and alert management can feel like it's never ending. It's just repeating and repeating and repeating. There is no change in the pattern. Um and that will cause exhaustion and uh burnout. And then there's the fear of failure anxiety. High stakes and potential consequences for mistakes can lead to

self-doubt and imposter syndrome. So once again, if you're in a sock, that's if I miss an alert, is my company going to get hacked? I'm going to lose millions and I'll lose my job. If you're in a pentester sort of role, whatever aspect you're looking at, am I going to miss a vulnerability? I'm looking at this website. Have I missed this SQL injection? and you just start thinking again like oh am I good enough and you just get the anxiety then there's the unknown fret stress you're dealing with the unknown everything's con constantly evolving there's new tech that we have to learn am I good enough to to learn that tech and then apply it to the situation

and then there's organizational pressure conflicting uh priorities and expectations so you give in too much work. You're given a job that you have no experience in with no assistance. I don't know how to do this cloud review. No one's around to give me a hand. There's no documentation. And then you just get the anxiety, am I going to fail this? So personal experience. So I said before, we need a certain optimum level of stress and when I'm underutilized, I I experience a lot of stress. So in one one instance with a job I spent three four months doing nothing just just sat there and there's only so much self-studying that you can do I mean we don't even send kids to say

secondary school or even university and you sit there for 8 hours straight studying it's for me it just can't get done and then I end up bored then my motivation goes and then the under and then I start underperforming when I do get a job in because I'm not I'm not in that groove. I'm not my optimum level of stress. Um and then that can lead to excessive smoking smoking and drinking which I watched a YouTube video from another uh pentest company um on Thursday and individual said that you know drinking is a big problem in the industry from what he's seen as well. And then I just can't be bothered to exercise anymore. I love hitting the gym

or going for a run but when you get to this point you're like I just I just can't be bothered. I'm just going to sit and binge watch whatever crap is on TV or YouTube. And then the anxiety kicks in worrying, am I going to get fired? Am I not needed? Is that why I've just spent 3, four months doing? There's nothing in the pipeline. So, coping strategies, alcohol, and nicotine. Weirdly enough, it was very easy to find these pictures. I don't know what this is about me. I don't tend to take selfies. I clearly only do when I'm drinking or smoking. Um, and they're great at the the the short term, but it's bad for stress because it

creates a cycle of dependency and negative negatively impact brain chemistry. It can find that temporary feeling of relief. But nicotine causes a cycle of withdrawal that increases um anxiety and the alcohol affects our brain chemistry leading to poor sleep. Maybe that was a bit problem last night. and a and a worsened mood. Um, and over time both uh substances actually intensify stress and worsen the symptoms of the anxiety and depression. So essentially TLDDR is just cut down a bit. Organizing your time. So the point of organizing your time is to give you a sense of control, prevent last minute pressures, helps prioritize those important tasks, supports work life balance and reduces the mental uh overload. So best thing to

do is identify your best time of day. There'll be individuals here that are morning people. There'll be individuals here that are night people and some in between. So work out what time is best for you and then do the important tasks at the beginning of of that time. Do you know if if you're a morning person, get the high priority ones out the way them and then as the day goes on and the low priority ones, you've got less energy to do them, but it's not not as much energy is required. List all the tasks that need to be done for the day. Preferably do it the night before so when you wake up you're ready

to go and then organize them in in terms of the importance. Avoid taking on too much. Now it's easy for me to say and it's harder to do because a lot of us we don't get to say what we're doing and not doing. You turn to your boss go I'm not doing that. Well, there's going to be some um confliction, but you know, talk to talk to your manager, your supervisor and other or even your colleagues and go, do you have some time today? I got this task and I really don't have the capacity for it. Take regular breaks and go at a steady pace. So, I don't know about any any of you people, but once you're sat down at

your desk, other than to use the bathroom or make your fifth cup of coffee, I don't walk away from my desk. And that's cause less to back problems or cuz I'm turning 40 on Monday. I'm not sure. Um, but we need to step away from the monitor. Even if it's just 5 minutes, stretch your legs, get glass of water. It's very important. Hydrate the mind and the body. And just go at a steady pace. the quicker you do things, you're just going to make mistakes and you're just going to end up stressed, anxious that you'll have to do it again. And like I said, ask someone if they can help. Ask your colleagues if they got

time. Speak to your manager. See if they can take something off your workload. Identify triggers. So this is about working out what triggers stress to you so you can anticipate them ahead of time and give you opportunities to think about h how you can solve them. Um even if you can't avoid these situations in the end at least you can be prepared for them. So you know track your pattern u make a journal of uh stressful incidences that happen throughout your week. Um, and then over time you'll realize what causes you the most stress in your dayto-day. And this is a difficult one for most people if you have control issues is not everything's in your control.

Sometimes life's just it's crap. Identify what is in your control and what's out of your control. In life, you know, like the weather, we can all get upset. We're all living here. We know it's going to rain and we're [ __ ] about it. That's our right, but it's out of our control. And then there's other things that we can control and focus your energy on those. Consider envir environmental uh factors, noise interruptions, poor economics, uh me chair. Um and this can add to the stress. I started to noticing a lot in in the workplace that uh people use noise cancelling headphones. It one it drowns out the sounds around you and you're less likely to be approached. Uh

I find this more when I'm doing uh reports. Uh I I have YouTube on the side and when I'm trying to write a report and I can't think of the sentence I'm trying to string, I get really agitated. Uh and I I pause the video for the 5 minutes. I've managed to string a sentence together and then I can press play again. Recognize uh emotional triggers. So the fear of failure. Um if if that's what's your your your you know trigger you can sit there and go do you know what I'm not a failure. I've spent 3 years in cyber security. Uh if I feel like I'm going to fail I've got a good mentor that I can turn to. uh if

you're a perfectionist or uh you just feel underprepared it will in intensify the stress and then use your these triggers and signals once you've identified you can guide towards your coping strategies when you see it on the horizon before you become too overwhelmed and don't forget the basics and this is repeated throughout the entire uh presentation is eat right proper nutrition fuels your body and stabiliz mood food. So, less of your fast foods and ultrarocessed um items. Uh exercise, physical activity reduces the stress and boosts mental clarity. The first thing my mom does when she calls me if I'm going through things like you've been for a run today. Uh sleep right. Your mind and body isn't going to repair

if you're not getting at least 6 to 8 hours. Speak to someone. Share the burden. just guidance, help, just get it out loud. And then if all else sounds and it's getting too much and overwhelming, seek professional advice. Now, moving on to burnout. So burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by prolonged or chronic stress, especially related to work, study, or caregiving responsibilities at home. Once again, it is not a medical condition. There are no definitive tests or diagnosis, but there are some recognizable symptoms. If we look back to the L Doson law chart, we can see when a stress goes on for too long, we're going to end up with burnout and

then eventually a breakdown. So, what are some of these symptoms? As you can tell from the previous slides, a lot of them are very the same. So, it's hard to identify, but they all kind of lead into each other. Exhaustion and fatigue mainly coming from sleep problems or too much, you know overthinking. Uh muscle aches and headaches, probably cuz we're not eating or drinking right. Uh weakened immune system, which means you're more likely to develop things like a cold or a flu. And then you get uh stomach problems. Once again, the churn in of an anxiety or something's about to happen. And again, eating too much or too little, mood changes and uh swings, the social

with withdrawal, and I repeat it again. If you notice a colleague or a friend or relative starting to withdraw, not coming out to social events, cancelling, not responding to textes for two weeks, unless they're normally like that. um just check in with them and then emotional detachment. So this is where you no longer care you know you don't care about the quality of your work whatever it is what it is. Uh procrastination you just put the task off and it's mainly because you're unable to concentrate at the the task at hand. So there's a few differences between the stress and the burnout even though the some of the symptoms are kind of the same. So when we're kind of stressed,

we're overengaged, we put more hours in, like, "Yep, yep, let's do this. Let's do this." And eventually you do that for so long, you you're just going to disengage, whatever. Don't care. It is what it is. Your emotions are overactive. I got to get this done. Oh, there's got this timeline. And then with the burnout, you're just blunt. It's like, "All right, I missed the deadline. The world ain't going to end." Um stress, you there's urgency and hyperactiveness. M burn out. You're like, h it's helpless. Nothing I'm going to do is going to change anything. Stress, you have no loss of energy. On the about just loss of motivation, ideals and hope. You lead anxiety disorders with stress.

Burnout is once again detachment. stress is physical, you know, not the sleeping and then it's more emotional with the burnout and then of course we get to not nice things. We won't mention those. Uh so let's look at the causes of burnout in the workplace if we can identify within ourselves. I should have done bigger text. Um excessive workload and pressure. So we've got an unmanageable workload. We're given too much. We got to do scoping. we got to do QA, we got to write a report all all while working on an active engagement. Um, and the unreasonable expectations, the fact that we have to do that. Unfortunately, that is just part of uh the job. Then there's the long hours.

You know, you've got all this work to do, so you have to put in more hours than you normally would just to get the work done. This one's interesting for me is uh lack of control and recognition. So, lack of autonomy. you know, we have a little saying what we do and the work that we're given. Um, and then there's the lack of recognition for even doing it in the first place. Then there's per work environment and relationships. So, it can be a toxic c culture. uh you know if there's bullying, harassment, or there's just constant conflict with um other individuals, uh poor communication, um you know, from management, you don't know what your roles are, what's

expected of you, or even just company changes. You just get a newsletter and go, "This is what's happening now." Like, where did that come from? And then there's a work life balance imbalance really. you know, if you've got to do all these extra hours because, you know, you're in a soccer team, well, you can't really have a life if you're on call out. You know, you expect to help your partner with the child in the morning, but, you know, at 6:00 you're asleep on the couch. Um, and even the job insecurity, you know, you constantly worry about job loss or need to adapt. You know, people will be feeling this with things like AI at the moment

or, you know, a new budget and all that sort of stuff. So onto my personal experience. So for me, lack of autonomy is a big thing. Um I don't know, maybe because I was a contractor for 10 years, I love that thing of going and a year appraisals, no thank you. Um, and you've experienced this thing where the, you know, a company defines what I invest my money in in terms of things like, oh, I'm going to do this course on threat intelligence. And someone goes, well, that's not the direction we want the company to go into. Or, you know, you get anxious. You go, "Oh, I'm going to put this cool thing on uh LinkedIn."

And you think, "Oh, no, wait a minute. That that might go against company policies." you're not slagging the company off, but you don't know if that just crosses the line and someone gets upset with it. Um, and then there's lack of recognition. I've had this uh lots of times is doing these performing B size talks. I don't need a pat on the back, but are just nice like, oh, I heard that went down well and people in the industry have come and said that you done well or we had a client there and they were very impressed. Um, and then just back to poor communication of not knowing actually what my role is. Maybe that's just part of cyber security. We

just do everything. Um, and then that cut is, you know, lack of support. The management structure ain't exactly right. And then I just get this this excessive drinking and smoking and like I say, they're not exercising again and it all just snowballs and then they've got no motivation when work is assigned. Um, I got a good colleague of mine. He refuses to come because he's seen me talk to many times and he's seen me go through this and all a sudden I get the job that I want to do. It's my favorite task and I sit there and go, I can't be bothered. But the ironic thing is though, you know, it's based on work

because the minute I close my laptop and open my personal one, always keep them separate people. I'm like, yeah, I'm doing this course. Oh, this is an awesome course. And I'm up to 2:00 in the morning. Well, I should probably go to bed, but but I've got the motivation. The laptop closes 9:00 the next day. Opened up cough second coffee in hand. I'm like, so let's look at some coping strategies. Prioritize rest and selfcare. So take some time off. You know, we are we legally entitled to I don't know what it is. I think it's 20 days in this in the country and the 8 days uh bank holiday, but use them. Don't do what I do at the

end of the year. and I finished up on Friday and I'm not back to the fifth. Ironically, I done the same thing last year. I don't like to take time off unless I've got something organized. But there 12 months in the year, taking your time off in the 12th month, you're already burnt out. You're done. Uh I said take regular breaks. Step away from that computer. Don't need to hear those teams or do people even use Slack anymore? I'm not even sure. Uh yeah. Okay. I just All right. Is it a dev thing? Uh, step away. Pri prioritize your sleep. You know, I should be going to bed at 10:00. I don't need to be going

to bed at 12, but I just want to bin something. Get those 6 to 8 hours and eat healthily. Stop getting the take out. Stop using Sorry, just making sure we're not supported by any delivery apps. Just say no. No delivery apps. Um, and set boundaries. Learn to say no is is one of the worst words to to use, but just say no or like perhaps not. Uh establish the work life separation. When you finished your day, you step away unless you're on call and that's a complete different situation. But in evening yourself, if your manager is emailing you at 7:00, they're probably not actually expecting you to respond. So respond in the morning. That's when

they're expecting you to. And disconnect from technology. Step away from the computer. You've been on it for at least eight hours. You don't need to get off and then check your phone. Just take a little bit of time. Seek support when it gets too too much. Talk to others, friends, family, relative, colleagues. Uh consider professional help if it's if it's going too far. And of course, talk to your manager. Then re-engage with hobbies and uh activities. So, exercise uh regularly, find fulfilling activities. I mean, I don't know people still crocheting post co, but um and then practice mindfulness. I can't do this. I just can't sit still. I tried Tai Chi and I got stressed and walked

out. I think that's the opposite of its purpose. Create a burnout kit. I'm going to go bag. I saw this on a an American bides and I I just have to steal it. So, these are things that you put together when you're coming to that burnout stage. you know, when you've figured out what your triggers and symptoms are, reach into your bag. So, I call my mom at least once a week. I'm the oldest, but I'll always be a little boy. That just never changes. But I call in and check in with her. Uh, I joined a local running club. That means, you know, activities outside of work, exercise, and meeting a new community. Nothing to do with work. I walk

everywhere as much as possible. I'm Scottish, maybe because I'm tight. Um, listen to positive podcast. aka avoid the politics cuz it'll just wind you up. I guess murder mysteries and crime ones, if that's your thing, that's probably fine. But just avoid the ones that just trigger you. Listen to non-aggressive music. Once again, I'm from Southeast London, so you know, garage hip hop, all that sort of stuff. I I avoid it and that's why I love my country. Uh, anyone play a banjo? I need someone to help me. All right. Um, always have favorite snacks to hand. If you need that little pickme up, have it in the cupboards. Favorite non-alcoholic drink. Make sure that's in

your fridge. Uh, set a reminder, text a friend, just check in how they're doing. It's okay to still have a beer with a friend. You don't have to completely abstain. Keep your CV up to date. I quite like this one. He never had it in his go kit. I do. But when you're a contractor, always have an exit plan. and apply for talks at B-side conferences. When I get into the burnout bit, I love coming to these things. I've walked in and I saw someone I met at one place. Within 5 minutes, I saw three people. There's faces in this room I know right now. Some poor buggers in this room see me do talks many times. But I walk out from

this and I'm on a high. I get stressed and anxiety when I stand. But when I walk out after a beer and I've calmed down and smoke, I'm on a natural high for the next couple of months and it gets me through. So I'm going to move on to imposter syndrome. Um so it's a psychological pattern in which one downplays their achievements and believes that they are secretly a fraud, undeserving of their uh achievements. Once again, it's not a medical condition. But then there's no test. Again, I think some people will say there are and there's some like online quiz things, but I'm sure it's just to sell you some um therapy. Uh but the symptoms can

include burnout from overwork. Now, this is a funny one. Fear of success or failure where we don't actually want to do something in case we succeed. Makes sense when you know you're going to fail. You don't want people to know that you're a failure. But the succession thing is is quite an odd one. lack of self-confidence, sensitivity to small mistakes or criticism. So, I do have a colleague when I first started in um in cyber security and he'll do my uh reports and for some reason he was on router to do QA for like a month. Every single report he had sent back, there were comments. Then I get agitated because he was saying something differently that he

said the previous one and I'd make those changes. It's like pick a lane but I would lose my I would lose my chill. Great thing working from home no one sees it. He did learn and he started ringing me go I just want to say you are doing a good job and I can see you're improving and that did really help. Uh setting in possibly high standards. You're a perfectionist. You're just never going to meet those high standards. You know I'm not going to be the hundred you know the bug bounty person that gets a million dollars. It's not going to happen. But if I set that target I'm going to fail. creating external factors for your success. So,

case in point, this one here, I'm like, I'm on a main track. I think there was what 5 600 um applications for this. I'll go obviously the other applicants were one of were were worse and I'm just the bad best of the bad bunch. Not the fact that this is my ninth time and all you people here are like, oh no, we're interested. So, who does it affect? So they say seven out of 10 people, 70%. Um, studies always say different things, but they're coming to the consensus that all genders are equally found to be affected, though those in minority or underrepresented groups will probably experience it a lot more. Um, some evidence suggests that the perception

imposter syndrome reduces with age. That's cuz I don't give an F no more. um prevalent in professions where expertise or intelligence are highly valued. So so essentially us uh I'm going to skip along quite quick cuz I've chatted too long. Uh so why is it affect us more is like cuz the higher expectations and standards you know we have to perform at a high level. um and that makes us feel inadequate and we're going to start doubting ourselves that we're even able to do this job and go at that um meet those standards then consistently evolving technology you know is it's constantly changing one minute I've got to learn cloud oh I only just learned ad now it's in the cloud oh

god and then someone goes oh do you know kubernetes I'm like no it's what sort of food's that um and then you start feeling behind cuz colleagues around you go, "Yeah, yeah, I do that." And there's the fear of failure. You know, you're constantly striving for perfection cuz unfortunately in our industry, regardless of which, you know, you you're blue, purple, or red, we we we we can't fail. So then you start getting into that negative uh selft talk and feelings of inadequacy. And then isolation, this was an interesting one for me. I spent 20 years in IT support, always on the ground. And then I got in cyber security and I'm sat at home and

we missed those bits of just random impromptu praise. You've done a good job last week. Maybe that's why I don't get praise since then because you're not around people. Then you start thinking uh you're going to be discovered as a fraud a fraud because no one's talking to you and giving those random bits of praise. Um and then you start thinking people going to talk behind my back. So uh personal experience. I've got 10 minutes. When I go I'll quickly go for a listen and moan about me brother. Um self-doubt when I'm on the engagement. I'm not good enough for this. I got the job cuz of pure luck. Um going to be seen as a failure. I really

don't know what I'm doing here. I can't find any issues. HTTP headers are my favorite. Lucky 13. Uh extensive procation. If I de delay doing the test, then I I can't reaffirm my uh my lack of skills. Then you go to the flip side. You go, I'm going to overwork because if I do more hours, then I'm going to meet my shortfall in abilities. And then I constantly compare myself to others. You know, I've used to work with an individual. We used to go, "This guy will get RC on a onepage WordPress. I don't know why I'm comparing myself to him. He's just awesome." Um then the report writing like I get triggered with the uh you know criticism

my colleague's going to work out I don't know what I'm doing I only got lucky 13 then I delay writing the report if I don't do it they can't find me out criticism uh then I downplay when I do very well I'm like uh and I'll last bit on my brother if you know my surname and I know some colleagues out You said you brought me a hoodie. Okay, maybe not. Um, coping strategies. Find a mentor. Open up and share in sets you in the uh right direction. Listen, provide support. Ideally, someone that's got a bit more experience than yourself. And also, if they got the experience, they can reaffirm that it's fine to feel

that way. Get a cheerleader. All of this is all negative. I've just been negative for the last 40 minutes. Um, you need positivity around you. You know, see someone to remind you of how capable you are, the skills that you possess and things that you've overcome in in challenges in life. They don't have to be work related people. It could be friends, family, outside going, remember when you thought you couldn't get that job? Well, you did. You're here. You done it. Just talk. Very important in mental health. Problem shared. There's a problem solved. Um maybe a mentor or cheerleader causes too much anxiety, but if you just share with someone, sometimes you hearing yourself talk out

loud, you just go, "That sound dumb. Why do I think that?" And we can reset reset ourselves. Stop the scroll. Oh god. Uh I can't tell ages in this room. Uh back in the day when an infinite scroll, but um now we have an infinite scroll and we get the comparison loop. And if you're in our sector and you're looking at all these famous people like, "Oh, they got these five CDEs. Why I ain't got one? Cuz because you don't do research. That person got five grand last week on a on a bug bounty bug. Why ain't I got it? You You do it like half hour every evening. He does it as a full-time job.

Um and then this just confirms our own biases, right? We're looking at all these great people. I'm like, why aren't I doing that? It's like, well, cuz you're not putting in the time. They're they're specializing this, but it confirms our own bias. do it in small doses. Studies shown that anything more than 30 minutes, it becomes detrimental. Kick it to the curb, put the phone down, take a break. So, the [ __ ] list. I love this one. Uh, so the whole point is this changing perception of something you you you don't believe in yourself. So, you set a goal, write down the goal you wish to achieve. So, so for me was uh cyber

security. Then we put all the obstacles. why I think I can't get a job in cyber security. So I had no computer degree. I was unable to code. No networking skills. Then you call BS. You know, you sit and go, I don't need a degree. I spent 20 years in IT doing uh multiple different um technologies. Uh I used to write documentations. I can write report. I used to deal from the cleaner to the CEO. I can deal with clients. Cookie jar. Uh this is my favorite was by uh an ex-Navy silk guy called David Goins that decided to run an ultra 100 miles without you know doing any training. So what you do is you collect

your cookies you identify moments or personal victory no matter how small. It could be a challenging project you completed a time you overcame fear or even a kind word you said to someone helping someone down the tube station with their heavy bag. not me, my back. Um, and you feel the jar either mentally or physically. Get a notepad and you write down all those um, instances and you stuff them away. And this collection represents your resilience, your strength and your capability in life. And then when the imposter syndrome is kicking up or you feel it coming, reach into the jar and read what what you wrote once again mentally or physically. And it's just a

reminder of you do have the abilities and you do have past successes and it gives you that boost to overcome the current um obstacles. And the whole method taps into the power of positive psychology. Focusing on achievements and strengths, we shift our mindset from doubt to confidence. This positive recall is not just about feeling good. It's about building a reso mental fortitude. And this is my version of the cookie jar. So, I haven't updated this picture in a while. Uh this is my ninth uh talk. Um and each time I do one, I got Jenga blocks and I got a pen. I I got it from a good friend of mine and I write down

the talk that I've done and I I mean I lie. I haven't got a shadow box yet. It's hard to find one on a certain shopping website and I don't drink that much wine. That's that's that's that's an image from the internet. And then what you do is I just put the blocks in and each time I'm feeling down at my own job or I get a rejection from a bides I look at the box my blocks and go nine talks I've done. I've done six in the UK and I've done three abroad. And I sit there and go, well, even people in Europe are quite interested in what I've got to say. And it just reaffirms that I

do have the abilities. I do have the skills. People are interested in what I got to say. I mean, no one ever comes up to you after go, that was terrible, mate. Go home. And that's why I don't invite my mom here. But this is a great thing. what we do in life is just have the physical reminder just look and go I I've achieved all those things. So if you're in a you know a pentester putting them my first excess my first rce just any little key things you've done and gone each time you've done you've gone five reports and you've got nothing but lucky 13 you can look and go yeah but I've got an rce here and

I got SQL here and well I do this this holiday uh company at Christmas. It only happened once and the guy let me go earlier went, "You're done. It weren't you, but you're you're kind of done, mate. It's been a pleasure." I'm like "Okay cool." Calling all your mates going, "Can you access this website?" No. Uh-oh. 500 error. Um, in quick summary, cuz I got a minute and a half. Uh, four pillars of well-being. I repeated it throughout the thing. Take care of your mind. Take care of your body by sleeping enough. Eating balanced meal and staying active can greatly improve your over overall well-being. Your body care for your mind. Careing for your mind means doing

things that bring you joy. And I think I've clearly coped and pasted in the wrong places there. Um, learning how to handle your emotions when stress or over overwhelm shows up. Relationships. Reflect on what matters to you, including your vows, values, and who you aspire to be can bring greater meaning and appreciation to your life. and in purpose. Caring for your relationships from forming new bonds to working through difficult difficult moments matures your feeling of connection and belonging. And with about 30 seconds to spare as I sped, I do talk quite fast. Um that's it. That's me. I hope it was helpful to some of you. Even just one person, it makes this all uh worth it. And um

managed not to have a mental breakdown. Thank you very much.

Oh, and feel free to um come speak to me after. Most people feel quite comfortable getting me oneonone. >> We've got time for a couple of questions. >> Yeah, I got time for a couple of questions, but if you don't feel comfortable after two mics as well, so if you'd like to put your hand up

What's the secret to the amazing beard? >> Sorry. Oh, what's the >> What's the secret to the amazing beard? >> To the amazing beard. >> Yeah. >> Well, uh I imagine stress, hence the the gray parts. Um I don't know. Good jeans. My mom's like half um Sicilian.

Um, so what if you're stressed, but you are also addicted to the work? You are stressed. Um, but you're also addicted to the work. You can't just turn it off. You are always there all the time just getting something done. >> Sorry. >> Okay. So, I said, what if you are stressed? You are kind of tired and all of that, but you are also very addicted to the work. Um, you can't turn off your system. Even if you're not working, you are always working, you're always doing something. What can you do then? >> Uh speak speak to your manager or your colleagues cuz uh if you're feeling like that only they can control that for you.

They need to take some workloads from yourself and if they're not willing to do that, then you need to make some life choices about how the company work at because it's out of your control, right? You can't in these jobs. It is what it is. Got to do what you got to do. >> Thank you very much once again, Sam. Thanks everyone.