Understanding Stress, Anxiety And Depression And How To Cope - Olga Zilberberg

good morning everyone and thank you very much for coming oh the Middle's delight let me move away because I can see you know that's me with more hair with us me who I am like Roy said CBT and a practitioner I'm a parenting consultant and I do lots of work with recovery college in reading so I run workshops for anxiety and depression panic attacks and stress so people that are already very stressed out and anxious so I know when they come we'll take the rain now I don't know how you guys are dealing with stress and anxiety and things like that so my agenda for today is discussing a bit what what mental health is what we

can do to improve mental health who is anxiety what is the stress hello long flight what is depression and what we can do to cope with you know one way when we are not of weights and we don't know what to do and we are very stressed out and we feel that life is not going the way we want to we want to you know we want it to go and we envision so that is the agenda and the alcohol for today is that if you guys can take one thing away from today that you can implement that you think is going to make your life easier different better that would be for me the best thing ever

so I don't expect anyone to take millions of nodes and do I'm going to do this and I think that if you want to do that you know go ahead and do it but sometimes there is lots of information that is being delivered and it's big huge elephant if you can just take one thing and say this is what I'm gonna implement this is what I'm gonna do this resonates with me and I think it's going to make a difference to my life so that is the outcome really office of this session on mental health what is mental health can anyone say I've got a few things in there were worries mental health no one what well yeah we've got physical

health homework or mental health right so when we talk about physical health we all know what to do right hands up whoever knows what to do to keep up with your health right don't smoke so much and don't drink so much five a day no so much sword go on exercise half an hour five days a week right we all know when it comes to mental health whoa what do we do does anyone know it I didn't write there was mental health I heard the word mental health good to Paul but I didn't know what it was up until I hit rock bottom about 15 years ago I went through a really huge depression um I didn't I

didn't know I don't know what to do to help myself I was stuck I was in a hole and all I got was people walking past let's say and say oh you're not feeling that well Tina life is okay you know you could good job you've got you've got husband if just what house what's wrong with you we are still in the hole and you're still looking down and you're not able to look confident you don't know what to do so mental health good about mental health refers to our cognitions our behaviors and our emotions let's say a good mental health is how we manage to express and then with our emotions in the blood or negative or positive and by

the way there is no negative or positive emotions is there just emotions all emotions are giving us something not telling us we you know if if you go into panic because you step onto the road and a bus is coming well that's you know your emotion is telling you to move get out of the way you need to know you need to do something right how we build up relationships with people all depends on our mental health right if we have positive thinking and good thinking we think importance and we can we can relate to others if we go out in the street suddenly someone looks at from across the road always not going Oh

looking at me Oh want to kill me oh no looking at me what do you say what is it I'm looking ugly today it's in my hair I don't know what is it right but it's not healthy where you're thinking that can lead into paranoia right you don't go out of the house and goes into looking yourself up so no one looks at you so you see understand in emotional intelligence knowing our limitations knowing what to do to cope when we get into moments of the strange man so the world is upside down and we don't know what to do that is promoting good mental health because you're not going through a crisis and you're not gonna get stuck

so that is my understanding of mental health and this is from my own personal experiences to war you know what I think good mental health is now mental health problems this is a survey done 2018 stress depression and anxiety is is the main three mental health problems that we get to talk about and people are a bit more open to talk I'm very very stress at work I'm a bit anxious about doing this on the other don't like social situations move away I don't I don't feel right socializing with people I'm feeling very low I don't know what to do with my life so you kind of you kind of start going is pulling down the

statistics for 2018 is like 15 point 4 million working days are lost for the year due to stress depression anxiety now that is because we are not having the tools to cope we don't know so it gets to a point in which like I did I go to my manager and I said I'm not feeling very well and I'm feeling really down I'm feeling very blue and crying all the time I just don't know what to do and then my manager would say like says at the time you need to go and see your GP and I go to GP and I said look I'm feeling really blue and crying and said yeah I know you're crying here you

can't even talk what what he said well you're depressed here you are prescription a month off off leave go and sit at home and if you go you know that you need that break but that doesn't really sort out the program that's it what is it living for me so yes I was at home for month I tell you what I did I got up really really late I started having my first pack of cigarettes around 5:00 in the morning pacing up and down the corridor by about midday 20 cigarettes were gone then I would go and get on to my second pack of cigarettes by about five o'clock the second pack of cigarettes was gone and

my about compartment nine the third pack of cigarettes was gone are they eating anything no had they drank anything no did they sort out my problem no let me empty the prison's work yes they did I was a zombie they worked in a way right I just pasted up along the corridor with my cigarette wouldn't removing at one point I just all those many cigarettes you know worse than another right so I did the presence helped but we need to help ourselves as well and wait to understand what's going on with us if we don't want this time was going on how we're gonna solve a problem when we don't understand because of a problem you don't

understand you need to be able to make sense of what is going on right so what is it stress stress is the body responds to the feeling on wound and many people talk about stress later but I've got so much work to do of course much of my plate I've got so much you know so many things going on there is stress about finances health work relationships strength to be a situation in which you believe you're supposed to do something but you don't know how to manage that something you're supposed to do when you become all stressed out right I'll give you an example I'm driving my children to school and I get into school gave my

child says drop me in here and I just go but it's a card behind I can't drop your fin here I'm going oh Melissa let's just rest that's a stretch for everyone for example we don't take it in different ways why because we've got certain behaviors that tells us you've got to do the right thing the right thing is not just in the middle of nowhere right I need to like do it right and it's perfect so they say as a sense of perfectionism also attached to the certain beliefs that we have that whiteness stressors so relationships cause of stress health word fluency anything else that you guys think causes a stress or stress you on anyone because

this is going mean children absolutely what's going on in the world right that is beyond our control and children I mean they do know how to press it what else are they we need also to be special anyone notice sleep at night and you come and see them on their quiet they go oh yes oh not me not a few hours ago when you were screaming at me and so no yeah you are so stress um how does it manifest how do we feel it because in in my in my world when I talk to people about stress translate and depression we miss out how it manifests in the body right when I was doing my civic training

and the rest of it it was all about you know your thought leads to your feelings and leads to your behaviors and if you change your thoughts then you're able to change the way you feel and the way you behave that's all well and good but I act out before I even have a moment to think about what has happened right so you're suddenly going to panic mode run out of a role you need to get away you're stressed out or you're anxious you don't know what what is going on however if we start looking at both physical symptoms we have we will be able to then look into what thoughts and reframe those thoughts so when I talk to

people about stress I ask them where do you fit in your stress and something people say oh I don't know that's what I tell you stress is felt all throughout the body so you can feel your heart rate going suddenly is is a really fast heartbeat you start breathing from up here some people feel butterflies in the stomach some people fit some people feel the face the plantain and the Jew tightens up so if we're able to know where the stress manifests some people it's on your shoulders maybe get your shoulders up to you or to your ears you can relax a bit right so if we start understanding first room where we feel the stress we're able to recognize what

getting stressed out and then we're able to put some wishes in place it makes sense to me and I hope it makes sense to everyone so you need to figure out where you feel it and the thing is in this modern world we are so fast going into everything and anything that we are going the with we lost our connection with our bodies which is totally have lost it we've lost our instant in gut feeling with lost connection as to what my body is telling me my body's telling me something right behavioral manifestations you all probably know if you think stress no point in your life you can't sleep you wake up in the middle of the night you're irritable you

is not with everyone your eating habits my you know my goal of the window you are aggressive with everyone is not be I'm going out there sometimes I'm going up tonight well you didn't say yeah I did say me weeks ago it's on the calendar I forgot yeah well I'm still going up tonight one point you just you just hope enough you're the wrong people you're just going you know go away leave me alone everyone is stressing me so if we can think of a stress like a container right I'm gonna stress is coming in cause stress is coming in and we haven't got evolved to get this trace hard we just don't know how to get this trace out

then it goes into long-term chronic stress it really depletes the immune system we get all sort of all sort of hard problems with all sort of IBS and sanity and depression and Crohn's disease sport officers and eventually over time chronic stress will lead to a very very over word fragile immune system that will not be able to cope with any parts of viruses too different you know your body so if you're distressed enough for a long period of time you might find that you get colds oh you get more clothes dude in the window you want to find that your stomach is upside down most of the times and then you might get some skin

reactions pink brushes and that is called you to what stress does to us so there is eternally rushing through the body that is there is cortisol rushing through the body they are they are if you want to call it too sick chemicals they are there to make us act they are there to keep it away from dinosaur a dinosaur is just about to eaten right is a very old alert system with God it has been postponed three years and centuries and millions of years to our change because we need to be alerted if something happens but we don't need to be in a constant state of simmering stress all the time and that is what depletes the immune system

there is there is no no way for the for the body to be able to cope with the amount of cortisone that comes through the amount of adrenaline that comes through you need to release it somehow and in our modern society in the olden days you can go and run away from the dinosaur well that's fine but nowadays there is no dinosaur I knew sit at your desk and you're having a panic attack and you just sit in there or you're stressed out and the adrenaline is still running through your body but you're not getting rid of it we're not getting rid of it we just sit there and we just plug it on well

because I need to get that report done we can't think straight what happens you can't think straight um so what can we do to help ourselves um they are what is called the four pillars of well-being that was presented back in October last year by the University of Reading in a conference about mental health and well-being and the four pillars of will Venus is really straightforward and easy and all of you know and they just gave it a fancy name because they need to give something um give it a name um but it's properly sleep good nutrition and hydration and I mean relationships with others so having a good relationship with others and these exercises that is the four pillars

of one vein right if you're distressed don't but you exercise what you should you know you should do is recommended to do half an hour five days a week okay maybe we don't have to climb for another five days a week half an hour when I don't for sure but I can say well I'm going for a walk but when you talk about well it success nice to people that's not going o exercise I need to go to the castle oh I need to get myself shoes I need to get myself that legging thing that the mountain is cool work is having one of those no I don't want to go exercise him with one who we thought one

of those I know it people were getting membership for the team I'm there anything you need to go on and oh I need the trainer's I need the soccer go with the trainer because I don't want those soaps that look like that and this and that and then I need to complete the family to do the visit to this thing and we just make this huge but if you say for someone to come for lunch they go oh yeah and for lunch that's a matter when you go that's in your front do you want to go for drinks oh yeah let's go for drinks yeah they've all hang on a minute what are we going to what is another over

there what we only gonna have what spirits are they gonna have nobody's got drinks yeah yeah it doesn't matter if it was horrible nice in the world they're going for drinks right so if we start thinking about let's have a look at what we can change in our diet for example if I am eating I don't know what dollars every day what surely it's not gonna be good for me is it if I am drinking five pints of beer every day there's not going to be good if I am not sleeping well you shouldn't have been saying we don't sleep properly there is no restorative sleep we go through the REM sleep when you dream and when you have

the vivid train something you remember sometimes so you might not remember but the deep deep restorative sleep is what helps the brain get rid of the toxins that it has produced during the day so when we here we talk when we work with the things the brain is working the sense of producing garbage and at night is when everything is cleansed out now if you don't speak properly and you go over the day another day and another day eventually those books in Singapore they are going on thank you you're not rested so so if we start looking about what we contains and then when we talk about relationships how do we manage relationships so I don't know

what you guys but sometimes of you're very stressed about relationships about friends and friendships and expectations people put the words right I had a friend that all she wanted to do was to go clubbing every single weekend and it would be Friday Saturday and Sunday clubbing so we would do the fried and they started a club in and off we go and then on Sunday I used to live in London we used to go to the church in uh in case cross that was open from whatever time in the morning to whatever time I mean you go there they give you a park I mean drinks will just come off from when I Club it love doesn't matter get your

back your your disparate parts Oh plastic back with your drinks and you don't get somewhere and then they said they say that huh I mean eventually I go home and it got to a point when I started not feeling very well mentally I said I don't want to go out anymore I feel very of one of people with noise I don't want to go out anymore oh we used to like it yes but no I don't like it anymore and then it was argument and it was pain from course and was text messages and that became very stressful for me because I didn't want to lose my friendship but at the same time I couldn't comply with what she wanted me

to do so saying no certain certain boundaries but you think that it is it's a compromise let's say for both sighs it's on both sides and say well you know I will go out once a month with you I want to go out or I will do this I will do that pairings parents harmony how many of you struggle a baby think it's tread with perilous my parents were here over half town for days I was happy for them to go it was nice it was lovely to see them don't get me wrong but um why are you wearing that she was saying oh what about this shirt yeah sure sure uh is it watch watch

hmm what are you feeling your children [Music] are you cooking that food mm-hmm what you're driving like that we drive on the other side of the road bad why not explain mmm from why are you approaching the roundabout in the way you're approaching the runabout This Is England we're just doing the other way oh so having to say sometimes without hurting feelings and say listen I've been here 22 years for God's sake get a break okay well you know you know it's a long time you should have been used to it but you know it's not good they were one the best food for us but sometimes we don't get into situations in which you know they want us to do this and on

the other we just not happy with it so we need to to money set expectations and say no now what can we do to come to mind right why is stress okay when there is a situation are you certain yourself can I do something about it right it's easy yes why stress you can do something about it then go ahead and do it just do it no why stress you can't do anything about it and I know it sounds very blunt but the thing is when we start reliving our past and sometimes I say to people how present is your past right how prescient is your past and we start planning ahead and trying to control

things that we can't control we stress but if we've got a situation Elysees right okay this is the situation of common hands what can I do about it I can do this and this and these will it work I don't know until I give it a go will it not work well if it doesn't work I'll try something else and I'll try something else and I'll try something else and if there is nothing to be done there is nothing I can do cause regardless of what I'm trying to do there is nothing to be done so it's not one of these situations that will say or what are you telling me to give up why are you telling me not to

carry on are you telling me not to you know to push forward no I'm telling you to realistically look at it as it is or what it is is that if you can do something do it and if not be mindful so mindfulness based stress reduction techniques is what lately has been implemented in different companies and they provide a space for workers to be able to to relax to be able to chill out or to be able to run to in case they have panic attacks anxiety whatever I used to go and lock myself in the cubicle in the toilet is there was no place to go so under different different ways that we can do and I know that

you've heard probably oftentimes mindfulness and I tell you what when I first heard mindfulness I was like over a month of my own says what among the world raving I see if I'm not breathing but if I'm not reading in bed but it's not that type of breathing you see we've got the nervous system has the parasympathetic nervous system big word but it's basically rest on digest this when you are till now did when you online know the age is when you're watching TV and there is no worries for you that is not it being calm on the sympathetic nervous system is the amygdala is the fight-or-flight response is you need to get out of here is not stress is the

simmering on solitary right and it has been proven that breathing from here from from it diaphragmatic breathing comes down the the sympathetic nervous system the fight-or-flight response it has been proven there is no way you start breathing from here I'm your amygdala is still gonna be a different working that's how you come to certainly monkeys or in the back of the head that is constantly going on right you you it is it is calming it down so I say if it something to work with parents and someone said children stress me out I work with parents most of the times actually sometimes they call oh my god I can't take the silence you even hate

here I'm right here that's alright stop stop and pick five five pick breaths just from here from you're gonna put your hand over Billy and just give it a big breath in on a big breath out I just do it two or three times a day your brain gets used to it you bring the strain on doing it when you run into an emergency you bring we know what to do isn't it when your shoelaces when your little kid you start by learning that you doing like this and like that and everything is a staple nowadays you just going to your shoelace this is like driving remember when you started driving mirrors are in decay

they were indication one over oh my god I look like a parrot not trying to remember what I'm doing now whoever is struggling here you know that you just do it you don't have to think about it so if you if you train your brain to start doing some breathing if you train your brain to relax if you go before you go to play it on your samurai token I'm gonna relax I'm gonna relax I'm going to stop focusing on my toes I'm gonna relax my faith I'm gonna relax my curves on my legs and you progressively work your way through the body eventually you'll fall asleep I can guarantee you huh and eventually you'll have the best sleep

ever so you need to start relaxing your body and relaxing your mind and then visualization techniques sometimes when I'm stressed out of my mind I just think where have I been in a place but I felt really really really relaxed and happy and a page and I just think myself lying on a beach on each one when the Sun is hot and I'm like oh this is nothing no children no Christian sleepy bird on the Sun emits no feeling at all and you can actually recreate that so you can be in the place anytime you want it's all in your head and you've got the ability to do it because you've got the ability to relieve a horrid moment

you've had in the past why wouldn't you use the same ability the relief a good woman that you've had in your life because the brain watch how with watch is out for the negative because it's not alert you know alert alert Danger Danger so for negative things the brain is not velcro and for positive things is like Teflon we tend to forget it oh forget forget program so those are things that we can do to mine one time is an issue we're talking about work and when time is an issue we'll let's look at what we can do in terms of organizing our our our word you know sometimes I find myself doing the the millions of

emails why are you doing that is it gonna bring you something no really am i dealing with things that need to be done and they are not urgent but they need to be done because if I don't do them you know I'm gonna be stressed out if I leave you finally Fabio and I'm not planning a bail let's say until the last minute and I get the reminder then I'm gonna be stress not about pain that they write they finally to arrange whatever for work and I don't do the presentation and then last minute I need to put the presentation together I'm very stressed out so one time is one time is it's an issue that it structures it what we

don't want to do we complete those ones aside and we can prioritize and we the the notion of what we think is urgent and important sometimes everything are not important sometimes making dinner for the children is not not important or that then you can't fix something you don't need to prepare a three-course meal - and sometimes sending an email to someone that you might of crossing the corridor at work and say okay I have seen your email but haven't got the one with now to do it I will reply the backup you had always should've should've should've done it using the shoes from the masked man I have to sew when time does what we can do and when

we need to prioritize rest of the paper is ask yourselves what outcome you want what do I want what when does he need to be done and some people have some people have white boards with planners with wit planners and they say right that needs to be done that needs to be done what resources do I need who needs to be involved in here what what else do I need and then you just is a really really quick step one your brain knows what to do step one two three four five as many steps as you need and then just go through your list when you get it out of your brain and you put it in paper is

when you you suddenly come visualize what needs to be done it's not making that washing machine just painting noise in the back of your head and you can actually take action in a in a manner that is not stressing you know stress leads to anxiety and depression I tell you why when our amygdala when the fight or flight response is constantly on we're stressed all the time I wanna make my eyes constantly going the limbic system if you can think of your brain as a fish unlesss are usually presented this is your limbic system this is your amygdala the adrenaline gland sits back here and this is your prefrontal cortex this what makes you Russian what makes

you relate to people in a normal manner and it is it regulates your emotions now when you are in a constant similar in state of stress that is like a lid frames up it's not proper flipped up but that flips up a new artist working in reptilian brain now when the amygdalae sandwich hunt all the time was going almost coming almost almost almost it's like a mere cut or like a prairie dog and it's just going that what's going on what's going on what's going on is like Shh there's nothing going on but that is so unsanitary waste are catastrophizing honest how you pee is it's not feeling of sensation of danger unfair an extreme

extreme fear I would say but it's not actual danger but your brain is telling you can't throws country what's going on what's going on what's going on sure it's got different flavors and people would have different ways to express an anxiety let's say social anxiety I was knocked in the house who liked the whole hollow and I could not even go out and buy milk because I had to go out of the house and talk to the person in the petrol station that was going to say to me one calling the police on our freak out say anything right there is no I can't do that I always say but over stay at home you've got health entire thing what's

wrong what's wrong what's wrong I'm very good at home fans may as well as my husband my saying here so I'll respond you know like the mom who came up with the children monkey with the with the baby so I wasn't me - no come on here let me just take you up but everything is okay and you've got no lumps in here and all I'm saying there know these know that not the other mixed mommy come here let me check you up check you up right some people would take right I'm just going like all you know school days and I've got luck and I've got this and luck phobias panic attack or cities

and their lessons I think just in general um how does it represent Hey look look at my poor little one ah nah it's all that goes on when we're anxious all of it goes on absolutely every single thing because you could be response in a way that triggers all the adrenaline and cortisol going through so you'll have sweat in your sweetie and your legs become jelly you might need to go to a toilet and suddenly it's like a toilet you get it with children you won't feel so sick your stomach is going you don't know your breathing is like hey I'm having a heart attack I'm dying that's what I thought when I first no I

think it's in sorry I'm having a heart attack I'm dying someone is gonna pick me up place and take me somewhere so what do you fill your anxiety I put in there a fight flight freeze and faint because the amygdala will get the sentence but you probably have heard fight and flight response right when you need to jump out of a dangerous situation but when you feel it it will be in your body so I can tell you for example that I feel my anxiety when my heart starts going but I feel my fist so I'm a fighter I would go and fight that dinosaur my husband would say that I am a donkey show their life fight windmills

non-stop and I would for every single scene so I feel my fist some people just feel it in the legs and the legs start going oh they need to defend me to run somewhere and some people disturb breathing so soon so much that they finished in the feel like gonna faint and some people just freeze so we're with a little girl last year you could just literally pick it up so so picture from there gradually taken off so we just be like huh for one place and another and just take huh okay she was just like a little listen she was so petrified to share with their works you can serve it in this port so

some people do that well what do you see it now you feel in your body and I don't know whether you've asked yourself such a question if you have ever suffered from anxiety or stress but figuring out where you feel it in your body will hold here to be able to identify what is going on with you and their challenge those thoughts that make you feel the way you feel so this is the the stability Crossman and intimately they say that you've got a thought a little triggers the emotion and then the behavior we put marriages we put safety behaviors in place like I said you know I'm not going to a petrol station we're gonna get the bus so for a

while my journey into work was an hour and a half when you could have been 45 minutes Chris I wouldn't go on a red bus because red bus says I had a panic attack on a red bus so I were called away on the train to Waterloo and then come out of Waterloo and guess what what colors are the causes in London red there is no other color so I come out of Waterloo and I'm just walking and I see a man because he's alright was because I had a panic attack and I was petrified of a red bus so then I decided to walk over the bridge into whole wall where the office was and back I'm just picking

the pages so we put safety behaviors in place you see um so if we were able to identify the physical sensation then we might be able to challenge our thoughts and unsee so when we talk about challenging our thoughts with this kind of mental distortions that we all have right someone has looked at me across the road and all my gold is because they they they hate me because I don't I don't I make a pass through Feist and if the worst is gonna happen and it's gonna cross the road that person is gonna come tell me that I'm so scared I was just so frightened I'm walking into a cinema social situation in a room like in here for example a few

years ago I wouldn't have been able to walk him and I just go oh my goodness so many people have in your company that wanted to never sa iyo interesting company am I am i doing properly I would say my story or catastrophize and we find the words of the words of the words that thing is gonna happen first of all the bad thing is gonna happen it's gonna happen to us that's what we say it's gonna happen to me it's not gonna be a tiny but thing is gonna be a huge thing it's just gonna be just horrendous now I'm not even gonna be able to hope I'm gonna die someone is I'm just gonna cry I'm gonna have to run

away they filter hricko filters we filter is black and white is either I get it perfect or I am I'm a loser I'm a failure there is no grain between we filter the positives how many times you have a lovely day and sometimes you know there is something that happens and someone grows it so how would you like oh my god it was so rubbish you know I was in the office and this person came over lunch and she said that she won't be blah blah blah done and I couldn't get it done because I was having lunch when they she said you do chatter chatter chatter chatter but you had to get meeting with your boss you

had a good journey on the trail how to get your husband you had a good time out with your friends you went to the cinema on enjoy we filter all the out and we just say no negative oh but you're not generalizing you know everything happens to me is the worst and everything but in the world it happens to me right an emotional reasoning is when we find the way we find the way to say no but no but so I often say that I work with related a while back now and her husband would come back home late from from work I mean her mind out her husband was you know he was unhappy he was having an

affair he was gonna leave her leave her and the children and what am I gonna do and this is horrendous and they cease and you go what else can it be have you spoken what else can it be but we lose that mental flexibility of bordelles can it be right or it could be the poor man was the stress out of his brain he was going London hours in your face and he comes back home late and he's tired so he doesn't want to talk and he doesn't want to eat because he instantly he's too tired but we just find the way and she we just say no no no putting 101 together on 101 is like he's doing this

because of and every time she will come she will have a list of behaviors that she had picked on him that would actually confirm her hair her dance on her husband for example Oh what can we do right um in a day you know one night we've got we've got we're going to happen hobbies the center when we're feeling calm and relaxed of peace and if you think it's a bit the bicycle wheel if every single one of this Punk's is what happens during the day right what you've got during the day going on in your day all the ring of the of the wheel now when we feel anxious okay which is focus and

that on the anxiety and how much time there is pain or do we spend focusing on what is making us anxious I tell you for me 90% of the time it would be constantly in the back of my head does it make sense now the other things going on we don't pay attention to them one thing I want you to do is it's a little bit of an exercise and we might might wake some people up from talking toughness Network falling sleep is a dark room anyway if you get your finger on your index finger out go on don't be shy I'm not gonna bite the finger of a promise get the finger out just put it

straight ahead of you and then keep bringing it slowly slowly slowly slowly as close as you can as close as you can to your notes on at one point you're gonna feel and if you hold it there and you keep looking at it intensively okay you're gonna feel that your eyes is not hurting you're squinting is not comfortable you lose your peripheral vision when you think that it's not here you can focus on that finger you can still see what is going on around you it's called peripheral vision when you think that is here you've lost your peripheral vision is called for your vision now what we needed in the day just focus on that

unsightly what are we doing which is and what is it doing when we when we are looking at it for a long period of time it hurts your eyes will hurt eventually is not comfortable anymore with anxiety this is what we do we just focus on that particular point instead of just putting it aside and saying right I've got other things going on right so when you feel yourself anxious I often say to people the way they you stop yourself right afoot concern when you stop yourself I used to wear elastic band around my wrist and whenever I used to feel anxious I used to snap it because that would get me out of it and realize that

I am being anxious and then I would ask myself what is going on in here what am I thinking what has happened that has triggered the state I am in and that way I can then act on it and the way to act on it is it's in different different different techniques and different ways to act on it when you've got the thought that is not a healthy thought is called the three C's for CVT you catch the thought which is the hardest part it's like cutting going fishing it's hard you know you catch the thought you collect the evidence you become a duplicative of your swords right you need to collect all the evidence before you can say well

this is true or not because reality is a sword the sword is not a fact right I think we are all ok with that good it's a stone now I thought crisis our minds if we engage with it we can aspire on down now it's a thought it could be true it cannot be true if we let it go past our heads as if our Birds just don't engage just be an observer no facade yes I had a thought but you don't engage with it it's a different matter if you choose to engage with it you cut safe and then you collect the evidence and you ask yourself what evidence doing half of this thought through and against

what else can it be what else can I say that I can look at it could I look at it from a different perspective could I look at it from a different angle this of a look if I've been owned about several times before and nothing has happened I've not heart the heart that I can have not died right oh why would I know okay what is it different in this situation that it was in the previous situation okay yes yeah so you see that listen when I when I put the roof on before so in sympathy they say any challenge your thoughts become a detective of your thoughts however remember I was telling you before that

you act so fast that you don't have the time to challenge your thought that's why I said pay attention first of all to your physical symptoms because then you know that you are having a thought that is not healthy because your body is telling you if you do that body mind body connection right and then you can you can challenge the thought and when you can tell you something you say well what other way is a more realistic way of looking at it well what a friend of mine say what if that what a simple friend that has to NATO base in Ghana is happening over on us you say to me I what would he say to me what is a more

reasonable way of looking at this situation so you talented another way that I do it and I often say when I when I run this this particular technique with others not telling do it so much better than we do because we others have lost all imagination whatsoever and I said unsightly you're not born anxious you're not coming out I'm you're anxious already the same way you're not gonna smoke on you know you don't come out with a cigarette in your hands right no so we learn if it's a nun behavior we can unlearning with one your own brain to be to be anxious week on my of the brain we can break those connections so if you start thinking of

your anxiety as it is my warrior helping me be safe however is like a faulty car along sometimes they set off and it needs to be rewired and sometimes it's telling me don't make me think of the reason I'm used to personalizing it and often I say you know you can put it in the palm of your hands and say this is my anxiety talking to me right you start feeling anxious actually did it in a supermarket my husband doesn't know this but know him in the supermarket and I I feel very very very anxious and I was pushing the shopping trolley and I was going to the cashier and I was so panicking my legs

were going thank goodness a hot that trolley because I was holding on to it so the life of me thinking I'm gonna faint in here and everyone is gonna notice he's gonna be terrible and I got to get to the cashier just to the table to pay and they started packing but my hands were steaming really that I couldn't really get the things out come on you know X I gotta fall and then everything is gonna fall and I like foot right enough and I put it in the palm of my hand give it a nice tight bikinis give it a shape give it the color give it the name what he said I'm happy

whatever they hold on the water nowadays I mean really really close and it's got these rooms in here that's right but you can talk to it you can actually talk to you inside and say I know you're trying to protect me I know you think this is something but but it isn't I'm in the supermarket needless to say people started looking at me thinking it used to be looked up and I was just going right what what he said it was like to be or not to be to be or not to be and I was just looking like what you want no no I'm fine I'm fine this is the supermarket things no problem

yeah you don't in any way you want to do but what we're trying to do in here is to disassociate yourself from your anxiety you are not your anxiety and say it is something you do when you don't do it all the time you do it sometimes so if we can start thinking about anxiety as something we do then we gonna stay sane right I can do it I cannot do it I've got a choice it's not me when I first went very very very safe I went to a psychiatrist and she he said to me get used to it this is what it is this is what it gonna be for the rest of your life depression anxiety

that's a part of Prozac off you go when you run out what do you GP any okay mayor Parker um that was the end of it and I saw mm I was okay before I was fine for what is among a number of years right I know if there's something I'm not fine and you're telling me that this is gonna be it well no I'm not faced this has hurt man I it has happened for a reason I don't know what it is this number five is something that we have done is something that is very very good to do because when new and answers you think about your anxiety all the time a few

hitmen if you city is some 15 minutes every day 15 minutes every day whatever the rural place so I used to live in my bedroom I stay in the bedroom I'm just going the bedroom I was a bullet champ sit down in the bedroom and just go right okay timeout 15 minutes oh goodness it was it was so hot baby no more when I anxious thought comes and you worry time is finished your money a box in your head or backpack are used to merging I had a backpack and you tuck it in don't worry time and all the time you break those connections because the more you think about your entire thing it's like a tomato plant you're watering it

you're tending to it you're picking the box we're even have beautiful beautiful big Tomatoes do you want a big tomato no thank you very much I don't want it you say so if you if you give you some 15 minutes I need to say this is what it is you start breaking up those connections and guess what happened one day a friend of mine said let's go to the cinema I heard them into the cinema for donkey's years I was so scared of pain and in a closed place with people I didn't know you know what I couldn't do is something hop in a panic attack and I went and I said okay I'm gonna be a

phenomenal and I went to the cinema I came back home and it was too late leave me and I went or eaten gone decided tango I couldn't get that day and over time I did something else I was so excited I went to the cinema I went for the drink I went for a coffee and then I didn't need more time anymore because I was able to control my thoughts I'm telling him grounding is when you are in a state in which you're doing a presentation like me you know here five o'clock in the morning I I wasn't in a very good state of mind and it's really really really quick and you just say okay three things

I can say three things I can hear three things I can feel and then you go down two things I can say two things I can feel I can I can hear two things I can feel anything you go down one thing I mean you take a deep breath now what you're doing when you're doing that when you're anxious the your right brain you don't think this is your brain so when you're done choose right emotions are in the right side of the brain and they're just running running running like wine and you're spiraling down now there is no integration with the left side of the brain which is the language the logic the lateral side of the brain in which

you you you can make sense of things when you start saying three things I can hear three things I can see you're starting getting the language the left side of the brain when you engage the left side of the brain that is integration in the brain some people say it's a distraction but in reality neuroscience what there is is an integration between left and right hemisphere of the brain no I'm going to technical with it before visualizing depression depression is feeling blue every day feeling sad every day feeling worthless you don't sleep you don't need I used to just you know smoke like I said up and down the corridor I I couldn't eat my stomach was in a state

I couldn't sleep either I couldn't make sense of the world I couldn't make sense of myself now very characteristic of depression is that you lose interesting things that you used to like in the past you you don't want to do things and you see the world in a different way now that is overall what we feel when we are depressed there is no restorative sleep there is no concentration we can concentrate we can engage the prefrontal cortex to to be able to you know function in the world we can't function basically what happens in our brain happens in your brain when we are very very stressed and we have like you know we explained before

adrenaline and cortisol and Wilko court longer eco corticoids rushing through now we've got really good chemicals in the brain nor a not a big thing I never want to hear that we're right helps you be alert I'm mentally alert and active okay but we're depressed because I wanna meet because our amygdala has been overworked okay the levels go down and when the levels of norepinephrine go down it will make you feel a nolo me more team will make you feel blue look at corticoids always look and also lower the production of dopamine and dopamine is the feel the feel-good chemical that we have and when we enjoy something this is what I encounter now with kitties that they're

all of gaming on that less for night why because the dopamine levels go up is that reward system but when we are depressed that goes down so then no wonder that we don't enjoy activities anymore and then the stress that goes with it reduces the serotonin which is the if in the feel-good is the failure good chemical so we become really depressed and then we start developing certain core beliefs of helplessness of worthlessness and enough ability and we turn it on waste and one loser I'm a failure I can't get anything right you know me I don't fit in so we start seeing the world ourselves on the future in a negative way so it just goes

thrown in circles and it goes run in circles so Buddhist is not really we create our own environment and what he refers to what he means is now when we're depressed we don't get to see the positives in life we don't get to see the good things in life we just focus on the negativity about ourselves the world on the future so people come and say oh but you know you got something to look forward to no I don't because I am not feeling I'm enjoying anything in life lately and I'm not happy with anything and I feel bad with myself people don't love me people don't like me it's not the case but we filter now why why we

feel depressed sometimes well this is the current self and this is the ideal self we all have a blueprint the order of the world that is ruled by our beliefs and our core essence of who we all are as individual and unique human beings and we've got values and we've got beliefs I said and dreams as to the world should be know this and this and this is a blueprint we're all born with it we all know that I'm gonna be like this I'm gonna be like that I want this in my life I want that and I want the other now when there is a gap between the current self and the ideas of your

blueprint that very suffer you say and we suffer because we are not paying attention to who we are so that we are oftentimes conditioned by the society by our parents by pictures by what we should do what we shouldn't do I'm a family man I need to provide I need to do this I need to do that right in my case I was a pharmaceutical sales rep I was always told on my parents work and a good salary do this do that to the other I used to work ten twelve hours a day very very very successful but it's not me so it was not conditioning that you must half a salary you must have a good

salary you must have - you must have that and it's like an onion and it's Vegas and layers her layers that you that you put upon yourselves ever since we are little and we start picking up beliefs that might not be our beliefs so the bigger the gap between your current situation and your radium self the more suffering we get right um basic human needs so what can we do so if we start thinking about we all have certain human needs and our values and our actions are developed over time according to we value the most so some people would probably certainty meaning that I've got a routine I've got a job I do this every day and this is

this is me I don't like this is me as well by the way a certainty is one of mine I do not want to be doing bungee jumping I am NOT adventurous if I'm going somewhere my husband will turn I need to plan the whole thing out what I'm gonna eat what I'm not gonna eat what I'm gonna go the bus fare whatever it is some people like variety that's the adrenaline junkie that you might find others people that change jobs every so often or they like being here and there and everywhere some people like being significant being value for who they are and some people say well I want to be seen as who I am I

want I want my own authenticity to be acknowledged and to be accepted unconditionally some people very local connection some people value love a growth or contribute contribution now growth is learning is developing in whichever way and contribution is is giving back so when I was a pharmaceutical sales rep when I was being told that you need to generate X number of millions right oh yeah it goes against my values because my value here is contribution I am a giver I want to take her so but on the other hand I have to get a good job because my mom and dad you know you know in life with giving you an education and get a good job get

your money have a house have children is all this conditioning that we have so when you start looking at what is that you value and you start aligning your actions and your values and your beliefs according to that is when when you start feeling that you can actually make a change in your life so you can you know you can sister what do I want to experience more in life what was important for me in life or what do I enjoy experiencing in life for me will be no fun connection and contribution I like even some other people way I want to be significant I want to be valued right in in civitate we talk about concurrent depression with

valued activities now because you've seen that a human needs chart over there when I talk about value that activities you need to actually consider what you value before you start looking at the activities because as I said I used to go clubbing Friday Saturday Sunday and I used to do it and at one point I said I don't want to do it anymore I didn't realize why I didn't want to do it and I didn't know what was it that was so for me so against it and then I realize that because I want a little fun connection going clubbing getting actually provide me with the opportunity to be connected with others because when you're in a nightclub let's be honest I

mean you can be connected so that the solar as you're jumping then you can have a meaningful conversation you can't have a coefficient I would say okay I value that I would come for a coffee with you so small daily changes that go according to your values and and that is what you need to do putting it to align with what you really truly think and when you reevaluate your beliefs at the same time and you say what I must do this and you can actually say to yourself oh his belief is this one I must work right when I said well no I must go if I need to be full-time employed and blah blah

blah and I stopped to say to myself okay who who do I believe with this one but if my parents is not lying I'm quite happy working you know not having to do this whatever big corporation or whatever it is I'm quite happy doing my own thing so so when we can do activities that align with with those three points it when we start becoming the oh yeah now to want it to straight when you feel blue when you feel depressed you can do it in three ways you can change your focus like we were talking with moving your focus move not will when you focus on the room you can change your language or you can change

your physiology I often say to people that if I am to talk to myself when I say change when we talk to ourselves if if I am to talk to me soon oftentimes my talk will be oh so rubbish you're such a stupid person what would you do that it's a negative negative negative so for me it's hard to be mindful and change my language change my focus is also very hard but physiology is something easy for me to do now if I am to ask you here how when someone is depressed can you figure on in your mind how they look what body what would a poster do they have and you might not have seen a depressed person

in your life but when you talk about depression what do we what do we think in our minds is this your cruelty now you're looking down you're slow you your facial features are being and son right if you are to change if you are to change your physiology and straighten up and look up your brain will change I will leave you with a pic talk we're young sociologists social psychologists in Harvard University called Amy Cuddy and the talk is fake head until you become it and she's done loads of research and studied into how your physiology changes your brain and it's amazingly interesting and she talks about how postures that you hold it for two seconds and this is the Wonder Woman

once pulls it and you hold the footage segments on the cortisol level goes down and the good feeling levels goes up and it's a very very very interesting feel because we always said our brain changes our bodies but our bodies also change our brain and that is all for me I think I've over run I'm so sorry any questions I'll be happy to if there is any questions so a lunch is gonna be out there so you've got but before we go these big round of applause is all about